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Hapless Dilettante News

 

Our Unfortunate Agnomen
and Reputation

We thought it were about time that we got ourselves out of what some call our isolation and back into what others call the mainstream of things. The point of reckoning for many of us here came on the day a few weeks ago when we ended up pulling the story on the American purchase of Alaska from Russia (since we had missed the scoop) and on the same day were forced to cancel the long-scheduled interview with Ramses II, due, we're told, to some indisposition on the part of His Majesty. Well, okay, we can take a hint. 
Missed Opportunities - Stories Flubbed by the Hapless Dilettante News:

There's just no excuse for it anymore

Russian Territories
Above - Former Russian Territories recently annexed by the United States
Below -the infirm King of Egypt. Yeah, right! Infirm with stoney indolence, we'd guess. More likely he had a pressing hair appointment.
His Majesty
E.S. Polly
HDN Vice President for
Psittacine Affairs, E.S. Polly

Our Very Best Minds At Work


'Maybe if we had a more central location!' proclaimed senior staffer and office parrot, E.S. Polly, himself having become sensitized to the general gloom by the fact that crackers had not been forthcoming. A few short hours after hearing the sound of Polly's insightful utterance, another nimble staffer, Tom Hatfield, decided to neurologically decode it into language. 'Good Thought!' quipped Tom in belated reply.

'Do you have any suggestions as to where?' was the natural follow-up question Tom posed to Vice President Polly, who simply continued in his pensive way to sharpen his beak on his perch. After a few thought-pregnant moments, Polly let loose with another of his famous projectile droppings which, as always, missed widely the scattered newspaper. He cocked his head, let drop the nut he had in his mouth, peered at Tom with one eye and said 'Good Morning! Good Morning! How are You? How are You?' So much for the power- lunch.


Resolved to Self-Improvement
After eighteen months of nearly constant argument, we arrived at a list of places we all could live with. Well, actually, it's a list of the places that will actually allow us to come, but let's put the best face we can on that, shall we? We also felt that before we did anything rash, we would ask our readers to help us make a final selection. Please review the selected sites below and drop us a line as to which location would be the best for us:

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